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Akiva Lane
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Why did Joe find it hard to get a date?

Because his attitudes were dated.

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Akiva Lane
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Why don't elephants get upset very often?

They have thick skin.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Mrs. Jones always looking under her son's bed?

She was hoping that there might be something new under the son.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a holy man who walks barefoot and has bad breath from fasting so much?

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the Sherlock Holmes story where he solves the mystery of the missing pillow?

The pillow case.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Jim feel bad when he heard that the US will stop making pennies?

He thought it didn't make cents.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you say when something valuable falls into a well by mistake?

Oh, well.

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Akiva Lane
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When the Jacob's family made a home movie, why did they include eating hotdogs at the barbecue?

The hotdogs were perfect for the role.

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Akiva Lane
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What's an attitude in life that can make things harder?

Taking things for granite.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a good motto for a sausage company?

We make the best wurst.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of tonic is very boring?

Monotonic.

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Why did Ben drink Maxwell House coffee before he went parachute jumping?

He wanted to be good to the last drop.

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