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What liquid is able to run?

Running water.

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When is door not a door?

When it's ajar.

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Why did the mathematician plant an apple tree?

He knew how to multiply, so in addition he wanted to be fruitful.

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Why did the waiter in the restaurant need to calm down and have patience?

He didn't want people to say he couldn't wait.

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How did Beth feel about all the knots in her hair?

She was knot happy.

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Why is it good to limit the amount of news you ingest every day?

It's not a coincidence that it's called De Press.

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What is the name of the rock band that sings about failure?

Rock Bottom

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What are thick paper cups called when they are cold?

Hot cups.

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What vegetables were on strike?

The onions, because they were onion-ized.

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At what kind of table does one read the New York Times?

The Times table.

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What did the football player say when he punted the ball by mistake?

No punt intended.

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What did Arnie lose, that made him unable to speak?

He lost his voice.

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