Pictures:

Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill buy 2 pieces of chord, and gave one to his girlfriend?

He wanted to tie the knot.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a pan called that is used to bake Pita bread?

Pita pan.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Alan not sure he liked playing trumpet in the band?

Because afterwards he felt like he blew it.

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What happens every year in the universe?

We celebrate its universe-ary.

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What do you call someone who measures how much status people have?

A statustician

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What is it called when a fusion nuclear reaction starts acting unpredictably?

Con-fusion.

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What is the name of a memoir of the day-to-day tasks of someone who milks cows?

Daily dairy diary.

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Why did Bill and Nancy marry each other?

They found each other engaging.

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When Sharon found an old copy of Crime and Punishment, what was she holding?

A dusty Dostoevsky.

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Why did Arnold dislike snakes?

He felt they were creepy.

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Why didn't Bill like going to malls?

He felt that if you see one, you see the mall.

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Bill saved his pennies all year to buy a present for his wife, and brought them to a store, and do you know what he got?

A hernia.

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