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What crime does this describe?

Assault and battery.

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What kind of pan is very disorganized?

Pan-demonium.

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What ring weight absolutely nothing?

The ring tone of a phone.

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What word and number indicate the winner of a race?

Won and 1.

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What do you lightening that starts a forest fire?

A match made in heaven.

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Why didn't Jerry mind if his dog didn't tell the truth when the dog was asleep?

Because he let sleeping dogs lie.

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What did the magician do when he was very tired?

He drank coffee, and that did the trick.

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What was Maxine's reaction when the website asked her to refresh her internet browser?

She found that it was a refreshing experience.

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What is inside a box of matches that falls from the sky?

A match made in heaven.

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How did Elsie the cow feel when she couldn't give milk?

She felt like an udder failure.

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What do you call two siblings that are sleeping next to each other?

Nap Kins

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What do you call lox served in an apartment?

Pad lox.

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