Pictures:

What crime does this describe?

Assault and battery.

747

What kind of pan is very disorganized?

Pan-demonium.

1354

What ring weight absolutely nothing?

The ring tone of a phone.

2915

What word and number indicate the winner of a race?

Won and 1.

721

What do you lightening that starts a forest fire?

A match made in heaven.

1845

Why didn't Jerry mind if his dog didn't tell the truth when the dog was asleep?

Because he let sleeping dogs lie.

145

What did the magician do when he was very tired?

He drank coffee, and that did the trick.

1556

What was Maxine's reaction when the website asked her to refresh her internet browser?

She found that it was a refreshing experience.

572

What is inside a box of matches that falls from the sky?

A match made in heaven.

709

How did Elsie the cow feel when she couldn't give milk?

She felt like an udder failure.

325

What do you call two siblings that are sleeping next to each other?

Nap Kins

2551

What do you call lox served in an apartment?

Pad lox.

1428