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Akiva Lane
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What do you call ticks that live in a parrot's feathers?

Polly ticks.

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Akiva Lane
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How is a person who is looking for parking like Lady Macbeth?

He feels like saying 'Out out damn spot'!

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Akiva Lane
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What is candy in the shape of trains called?

Chew-chew trains.

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Akiva Lane
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What did Fred say to the driver of the car that hit his car from the back?

You're a pain in the rear end.

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Akiva Lane
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When Bob went camping, why did he avoid touching the tents?

He didn't want to feel tents.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a hippie who is a phony?

A hippie-crit.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't people trust the model E phone?

They thought it was a phoney.

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Akiva Lane
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When the truck spilled coffee grounds all over Marvin's lawn, what did his lawyer say?

"I think we have grounds for suing the truck company."

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Akiva Lane
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How are computer disk drives different than car traffic?

It's good when disk drives are backed up, but it's not good when traffic is backed up.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Cynthia feel about the fact that pollen counts were low?

She felt that was nothing to sneeze at.

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Akiva Lane
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What flowers are similar to a mouth?

Tulips

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Bob concerned about the impression he made when he ran on the treadmill?

He didn't want people to think he was just a run of the mill guy

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