Pictures:

Akiva Lane
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Why did the unemployed actor break his leg?

He wanted to be in a cast.

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What cosmetics does a woman wear when she wants to end an argument?

Make up make-up.

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How did Bob become a carpenter?

He was an apprentice to a carpenter, and that nailed it.

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Why did Trump remove the restrictions on plastic straws?

Because in terms of government intervention, it was the last straw.

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Why didn't Fred accept rides with other people, and preferred to walk?

Because he didn't want to be taken for a ride.

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What is a child called that walks and talks?

A walkie talkie.

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Why did the person who smoked too much go to Istanbul on a cold day right after Thanksgiving?

Because he wanted to go cold Turkey.

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How do we know that the amount of seeds in a pear is an even number?

They come in pears.

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What did Goldie Jones call her lock company?

Goldie Locks.

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Why did Marsha like to read on the steps of the NY Public Library?

She believed that for meaning, you have to read between the lions.

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What vegetable do you not want to take onto a boat?

A leek.

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Why do people like peeling their own fruit?

Because if other people peel it, it has less appeal.

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