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Akiva Lane
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How did Jack learn to give himself a haircut?

He knew it off the top of his head.

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How did Abigail respond when her husband suggested that they go camping in the winter?

The idea leaves me cold.

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Why did Phil stop turning around?

Because every time he turned around, another year went by.

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What was the zoo like when all the bears were sent to a different zoo?

It was unbearable.

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How do you describe a cow that is very particular about the food it eats?

It chooses its cud.

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What do you call a place with a lot of spiders?

A web site.

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What do employment recruiters and cannibals have in common?

They're both called head hunters.

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What name did Mr. and Mrs. Tross have second thoughts about naming their baby boy?

Albert.

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When Andy gave Meg the engagement ring, what playing card did Meg feel like?

The Queen of Diamonds.

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What do you say to a bowl of kidney beans when you haven't eaten them for a while?

Where have you bean?

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When we treat others with tact, what is the result?

Our relationships remain intact.

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What did Fred say when the computer store added memory to his laptop?

Thanks for the memories.

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