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Why was the baker happy?

Because he had all that he kneaded.

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Why in the army do they avoid giving treats twice?

That would involve a re-treat.

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What did the doctor's wife say when his new practice was slow?

You just need more practice in your new practice, and you need patience for more patients.

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Why was the uncle's wife nervous?

She was feeling 'auntsy'.

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What do geese and cars have in common?

They both honk.

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Can a person who complains all the time be a vegetarian?

No, because he always has a beef.

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What did the cheese say when it was shredded?

I feel grate.

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Where can you go when you're tired?

You can go to bed and go to sleep.

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What is an ancient Celtic who is very flexible called?

A fluid druid.

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After Joe's dog Spot ran away, why was his house cleaner?

Because it was Spot-less.

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Why did the bear not want to wear shoes?

It couldn't bear not having bare feet.

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What do you say when you see an elephant?

You mongous!

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