Pictures:

Why was WC Fields not very popular in England?

Because of his first initials.

636

What day do armies go off to battle?

March forth.

405

A pear of scissors.

2704

What are the coolest inventions?

The air conditioner and the refrigerator.

81

What part of the meat did Bill try not to bring to his wife from the freezer?

He didn't think it was a good idea to give his wife the cold shoulder.

1964

What kind of cats are good at imitating?

Copy cats.

2816

What is a well after the repairman fixes it?

Well adjusted.

710

What kind of log can't change directions?

An ideologue.

1419

What vegetable makes the most polite request?

Let us.

1761

What do you lightening that starts a forest fire?

A match made in heaven.

1845

What colored letter does not want to wait?

Red D.

2680

Why was the uncle's wife nervous?

She was feeling 'auntsy'.

2119